by MichaelaChung | May 2, 2014 | Blog, Intimacy, Relationships
Heartbreak. I’m sure you’ve been there before. You opened your heart, took the leap, and became intimate with someone. Maybe you had a sexual relationship with this person. Maybe not. More importantly, you delved into the realm of emotional intimacy with another human being. This can be a dark and scary place if you’re not used to being there. So much so, that you might try desperately to escape. Here are four major ways we avoid intimacy and, ultimately, break our own heart. The Phantom Ex “Some things take root in the brain and just don’t let go.” ~ T.S. Elliot According to the book Attached,by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S.F Heller, M.A., one of the ways that people with avoidant attachment talk themselves out of relationships is by holding onto a phantom ex. The phantom ex is the person we drag along with us into every subsequent relationship. He or she is the one we think of longingly whenever we encounter something unpleasant about our new lover. All of our memories of this person are bathed in sunshine and warm feelings. We are forever searching for another version of our phantom. Dreams of Someone Better “We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.” ~ Anais Nin Our thoughts feelings and fantasies create our world. When we constantly imagine ourselves with someone else, we’ve already left our current partner in our mind. It’s only a matter of time before...
