by MichaelaChung | May 3, 2014 | Uncategorized
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by MichaelaChung | May 2, 2014 | Blog, Intimacy, Relationships
Heartbreak. I’m sure you’ve been there before. You opened your heart, took the leap, and became intimate with someone. Maybe you had a sexual relationship with this person. Maybe not. More importantly, you delved into the realm of emotional intimacy with another human being. This can be a dark and scary place if you’re not used to being there. So much so, that you might try desperately to escape. Here are four major ways we avoid intimacy and, ultimately, break our own heart. The Phantom Ex “Some things take root in the brain and just don’t let go.” ~ T.S. Elliot According to the book Attached,by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S.F Heller, M.A., one of the ways that people with avoidant attachment talk themselves out of relationships is by holding onto a phantom ex. The phantom ex is the person we drag along with us into every subsequent relationship. He or she is the one we think of longingly whenever we encounter something unpleasant about our new lover. All of our memories of this person are bathed in sunshine and warm feelings. We are forever searching for another version of our phantom. Dreams of Someone Better “We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.” ~ Anais Nin Our thoughts feelings and fantasies create our world. When we constantly imagine ourselves with someone else, we’ve already left our current partner in our mind. It’s only a matter of time before...
by MichaelaChung | Apr 28, 2014 | Blog
“Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life; they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again.” ~ Anne Lamott Brenda Knowles invited me to participate in the “My Writing Process” blog tour. Brenda is the creator of Space2Live, a website about introversion, intimacy and relationships. She writes delicious things. See for yourself. I write for a living, but I also write for a life. I write blog posts, website content, press releases, and ebooks. When nobody’s looking, I write poetry. You can find some of my micropoems on Twitter. My Writing Manifesto Write. Write to inspire. Write to connect. Write to tell secrets we all share. Write in the morning and in the night. Write around the edges of the day, blurring the line between fiction and life. Inhale beauty. Exhale words that leave a legacy. Take off your blinders and write with VISION. Let your words be a sermon and an exorcism. Put some skin in. Smear your soul across the page. Give your heart away on 8”11 sheets. Write words that tickle, embrace, and seduce. Words that transform. Words that matter. Write. Current Project “A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.” ~ Franz Kafka At the moment I’m preparing for my “Super Spring...
by MichaelaChung | Apr 11, 2014 | Authenticity, Blog, Relationships
When we begin embracing our authentic self, there are consequences. Many of these consequences are surprisingly delicious, and completely welcome. They leave us asking, why didn’t I do this sooner? But authenticity also comes with some distressing side effects. Sometimes, when we reveal who we truly are, we make others feel uncomfortable. The reality is, not everyone knows how to love the real you. Peeling back the layers The real you is an anomaly. For the right people, you are a welcome exception to the rule – a beautifully strange addition to their world. For others, you are a looming question mark in a land of absolutes. Your complexity stirs confusion, and even fear, in such people. They are shallow swimmers, easily drowned by the depths of your heart. They’re not ready for deeper penetration. This is unfortunate because peeling back the layers of one’s personality is a form of foreplay; the slow, tender undressing of the soul is the definition of seduction. Many people can’t get beyond the first layer. They’re so busy fumbling with your overcoat that they never discover the French lace underneath. Don’t bend, don’t water it down For some, you will always be too much, or not enough. In their eyes, you are too strange, too different, too difficult to understand, and easy to take for granted. They want more of what you aren’t, and less of what you truly are. They will try to change you. Don’t give in. Resist the temptation to flatten your complexity and water down your soul. “Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make...
