by MichaelaChung | May 24, 2014 | Blog, Intimacy, Relationships, Uncategorized
There are people in this life that we can’t seem to let go of. They are emblazed on the underside of our eyelids, written on our hearts and imprisoned in our minds. How can we release them? Should we even bother? The truth is, my dear, that letting go is an act of releasing ourselves. It is palms turned up and opened wide after being clenched for too long. It is freedom from misplaced hope followed by a long sigh of relief. “But I still love him (or her)”, you might say. Fine. There is room enough in your heart to love an infinite amount of people until the end of time. But. You can only afford to give your thoughts, time and energy to those who return your love, multiply it, give it wings. The how you are an exit wound the extra shot of tequila the tangled knot of hair that has to be cut out you are the cell phone ringing in a hushed theatre … you are a poem I cannot write a word I cannot translate you are an exit wound a name I cannot bring myself to say aloud ~Jeanann Verlee, You Are An Exit Wound People will come and go, and they will leave exit wounds. In order to release them we must learn to heal ourselves. To breathe. To whisper sweet nothings in our own ear and be our own best friend. We must keep the promises we make to ourselves and forgive the ones we break. Then, we close the door. We stop looking over our shoulder. We give up...
by MichaelaChung | May 9, 2014 | Authenticity, Blog, Nonconformity
Your shadow self is comprised of all the aspects of your personality that you’ve been hiding. You hide these parts because someone has told you that they are shameful, inappropriate or “not nice”. For women, this can mean diluting our power because we don’t want to come off as a “bad girl”. To be good is to be polite, selfless, modest and sometimes invisible. Acceptance hinges on our ability to fit into a narrow definition of what is considered normal. Any part of our personality that seems strange or different gets stomped down and tossed aside – exiled indefinitely to the dark realm of shadows. But wait a second. Did you know that the dark realm of our shadow side isn’t so dark after all? There are some benefits to embracing our shadows. 1. You have golden shadows “The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.” ~George R.R. Martin People often think of their shadows as only the dark, hideous aspects of their personality. It is true that some of our shadows should stay hidden. What we don’t realize is that we also have golden shadows. Our shadow self can be an infinite source of creativity and strength. Unfortunately, we often cast our greatest strengths into the dark. We do this to be modest and polite. We don’t want others to think of us as arrogant or rude. As a result, we trade stubbornness for passivity, boldness for indifference and strength for “sugar and spice and everything nice”. In short, we let our greatness drag along behind us, holding us back instead of propelling us forward. 2. Denying your shadows...
by MichaelaChung | May 7, 2014 | Blog, Intimacy, Relationships
For women who have daddy issues, women who feel abandoned, unwanted unseen by their father. For women whose fathers left them with a sky full of holes where the stars once hung. For women who never knew their father at all, but look for his approval in every man they meet. For grown up little girls, who are still chasing shadows filled with rain: Your father does not have a womb. He did not form you in his belly. Your value extends beyond the walls of his rib cage. Your worth stretches past the reach of his judgment. His words are not your passport, nor his silence your exile. You are a woman now. Don’t weep for the seed that you’ve...
by MichaelaChung | May 6, 2014 | Authenticity, Blog, Nonconformity
Robotic efficiency is raping your soul. The world has become dangerously obsessed with productivity and computer-like efficiency. It’s normal to forget to eat. To breath. To sleep. The problem is, humans are meant to eat, and breathe, and sleep … and laugh, and play, and make mistakes. Machines don’t do any of those things. They are objects. They are made to be sold, bought, used, and replaced. Lessons on humanity from Boko Haram Last night I read a CNN article about Boko Haram kidnapping more than 200 Nigerian girls.The chilling headline of the article says it all: ‘I will sell them,’ Boko Haram leader says of kidnapped Nigerian girls The article goes on to quote the Boko Haram leader as saying, “There is a market for selling humans. Allah says I should sell. He commands me to sell. I will sell women. I sell women.” His words are sickening, to say the least. Humans are not factory-made commodities. They are not meant to be sold on the open market. Anyone with even a thread of moral fiber would agree with that. Are you for sale? And, yet, many of us have put ourselves up for sale. We’re holding up an invisible sign that says: “For sale by owner – will work with computer-like efficiency at the expense of my own happiness and wellbeing. Now accepting American Express.” We are working harder, smarter and faster for the profit of everyone but ourselves. The idea of living life on our own terms is a radical concept. We are lead to believe that only freaks and misfits would choose a life that...
by MichaelaChung | May 3, 2014 | Authenticity, Blog, Nonconformity
“Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous. I want to be a writer who reminds others that these moments exist.” ~ Anais Nin Precisely, whose life are you living? Is it yours, or your father’s? Or your coworker’s? Or your mother’s sister’s bestfriend’s daughter’s? Are you swimming your own race, or simply steeping in a murky pit of other people’s dreams. Is this really the way you want to live your life, or are you just passing time? Your hero’s journey “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” ― Nora Ephron In his famous book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell describes what he calls the monomyth. According to Campbell, every great mythical hero embark’s on a journey that follows this pattern: 1. The hero is living in the ordinary world. 2. He receives a call to adventure. 3. He refuses the call. 4. Something happens (usually some sort of catastrophe) that forces him to leave the life he knows and embark on a great adventure where “fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.” The interesting thing is that the hero’s journey can be applied to real life. Many of us get stuck living in the ordinary world, but if you think about it, you’ve probably received your own subtle (or not so subtle) call to adventure. Did you listen? Your call to adventure “Perhaps...
by MichaelaChung | May 3, 2014 | Uncategorized
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by MichaelaChung | May 2, 2014 | Blog, Intimacy, Relationships
Heartbreak. I’m sure you’ve been there before. You opened your heart, took the leap, and became intimate with someone. Maybe you had a sexual relationship with this person. Maybe not. More importantly, you delved into the realm of emotional intimacy with another human being. This can be a dark and scary place if you’re not used to being there. So much so, that you might try desperately to escape. Here are four major ways we avoid intimacy and, ultimately, break our own heart. The Phantom Ex “Some things take root in the brain and just don’t let go.” ~ T.S. Elliot According to the book Attached,by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S.F Heller, M.A., one of the ways that people with avoidant attachment talk themselves out of relationships is by holding onto a phantom ex. The phantom ex is the person we drag along with us into every subsequent relationship. He or she is the one we think of longingly whenever we encounter something unpleasant about our new lover. All of our memories of this person are bathed in sunshine and warm feelings. We are forever searching for another version of our phantom. Dreams of Someone Better “We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.” ~ Anais Nin Our thoughts feelings and fantasies create our world. When we constantly imagine ourselves with someone else, we’ve already left our current partner in our mind. It’s only a matter of time before...
by MichaelaChung | Apr 28, 2014 | Blog
“Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life; they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again.” ~ Anne Lamott Brenda Knowles invited me to participate in the “My Writing Process” blog tour. Brenda is the creator of Space2Live, a website about introversion, intimacy and relationships. She writes delicious things. See for yourself. I write for a living, but I also write for a life. I write blog posts, website content, press releases, and ebooks. When nobody’s looking, I write poetry. You can find some of my micropoems on Twitter. My Writing Manifesto Write. Write to inspire. Write to connect. Write to tell secrets we all share. Write in the morning and in the night. Write around the edges of the day, blurring the line between fiction and life. Inhale beauty. Exhale words that leave a legacy. Take off your blinders and write with VISION. Let your words be a sermon and an exorcism. Put some skin in. Smear your soul across the page. Give your heart away on 8”11 sheets. Write words that tickle, embrace, and seduce. Words that transform. Words that matter. Write. Current Project “A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.” ~ Franz Kafka At the moment I’m preparing for my “Super Spring...
by MichaelaChung | Apr 11, 2014 | Authenticity, Blog, Relationships
When we begin embracing our authentic self, there are consequences. Many of these consequences are surprisingly delicious, and completely welcome. They leave us asking, why didn’t I do this sooner? But authenticity also comes with some distressing side effects. Sometimes, when we reveal who we truly are, we make others feel uncomfortable. The reality is, not everyone knows how to love the real you. Peeling back the layers The real you is an anomaly. For the right people, you are a welcome exception to the rule – a beautifully strange addition to their world. For others, you are a looming question mark in a land of absolutes. Your complexity stirs confusion, and even fear, in such people. They are shallow swimmers, easily drowned by the depths of your heart. They’re not ready for deeper penetration. This is unfortunate because peeling back the layers of one’s personality is a form of foreplay; the slow, tender undressing of the soul is the definition of seduction. Many people can’t get beyond the first layer. They’re so busy fumbling with your overcoat that they never discover the French lace underneath. Don’t bend, don’t water it down For some, you will always be too much, or not enough. In their eyes, you are too strange, too different, too difficult to understand, and easy to take for granted. They want more of what you aren’t, and less of what you truly are. They will try to change you. Don’t give in. Resist the temptation to flatten your complexity and water down your soul. “Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make...
